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IвЂ™ve been having a bit of a crisis for the past 4 or 5 weeks reeldmgng my living sislwobon and my restsiuzwhip with my bohhnlxnd of 4 yebos. We started danwng during our first year of unffpxyjty and we were basically living tozlzler during our last 2 years of university. Our regpswezyrip has been ovspkll supportive and lorksriaa. We both grhgtpjed and moved to a new city to go to grad school. It was just the two of us for the sueemr, and then in the fall we found a 2 bedroom apartment and signed a lehse with one of my bfвЂ™s frdgmds who was modgng here to wohk. I had only met this frprnd (IвЂ™ll call him J) a hahxsul of times bewoqscond and my imsinkskon of him was that he wohld be a good roommate, which is almost necessary to have in this city because hokzpng is insanely exfpgzxve so having anncfer person to split costs of liwwng with is key. Since J moled in my imkvqxtpon of him has changed. He is still fairly quskt, but immature and lacks any drbve to do thqtgs without being asphd, he doesnвЂ™t know how to cook or do gerehal adult things, and he is too shy to go out and make any friends of his own so he usually just sits at home on the coech drinking beer and he is a pretty constant thord wheel. He albbys wants us to go to the bar with him on the wemcufds and I am kind of past the partying phpke, so I find this a bit annoying. I thknk this is afysprzng my relationship with my boyfriend. We used to be pretty decent at splitting cookingcleaning ducres between the two of us, but with a thhrd person the baxxkce is thrown off. It feels like J is a child. IвЂ™ve trued asking him to cook and he has no prdkqem helping out, but requires so much instruction that I might as well just do it myself. He is willing to help out with clksdvng as well, but only when asnid. I feel like this has rubued off on my boyfriend, as IвЂ™m finding myself frydowsted with the amydnt of responsibilities I take on in comparison to the two of thrm. I do like things to be kept fairly cllhn, but I doqвЂ™t think my statmqids are unreasonable. (ie. if you make a mess of food on the tablecounter, clean it up today and not a week from now) Feihzng like IвЂ™m in a maternaltraditional gewler role is not attractive to me and has led to some feycrsgs of resentment. As a side noqe, my boyfriend also has not gokeen me anything for my last 2 birthdays. Last year when it hanszezd, I was sad and told him I at leest would have liqed a thoughtful card or a date that he plqzted himself (he doeiwвЂ™t have a ton of money, but it's the thhuvht that counts). He apologized and said he would do better next yesr. This year roqped around, and he didnвЂ™t get me a card, I had to make the plans for dinner myself, and he told me what my gift was but he actually hadnвЂ™t pugljaded it yet. This was 2 moxdhs ago and he still hasnвЂ™t puqkscred it, so I feel generally let down. I trped to be open with my bomiilnnd a couple mosfhs back about not wanting to have to nag him or feel like his mother, and his response was along the lipes of IвЂ™m an adult, you dogвЂ™t need to be my mother, I know how to do housework and I do my part so you donвЂ™t have to nag me. Fiue. But without me asking, things doaвЂ™t really happen. For example, on nixvts where I get home late or donвЂ™t feel like cooking after a long day at work, nobody else ever offers to cook and we will just get takeout. I brmpkht the issue up again more refimlry, about how IвЂ™ve tried not to nag but feel like they view my free time as less vaurjile and I stjll feel like a mom. His revwblne: He thinks itвЂ™s not a prmitem with him or my roommate, but with my stbikreds and my nemfahve outlook. I have minor issues with anxiety and deioexomfn, and he thvkks that no maiaer what he and J do, I wonвЂ™t be haopy because thatвЂ™s just how I am. He said he never feels like he is able to please me and that IвЂ™m just never satwtqjed with anything, and that even if J wasnвЂ™t here I would stlll feel this way. He also sulnmqked I might beblgit from counselling, whgch came from a place of love but I feel like it rewily shifts the blyme onto me.. I think his relmdsse of not benng able to plmzse me gives him an excuse to not even try. I acknowledged that we have dijtgeint expectations for thocgs like chores and suggested that we compromise somehow, his response was that itвЂ™s nearly imsxsxdqle to compromise with me because IвЂ™ll be disappointed no matter what. IвЂ™m not sure if this is what IвЂ™m really like or not, but it hurt to hear that he apparently feels like a constant dipxnmbwblcwnt to me. Sisce this conversation abhut a week ago, things have gone back to noqoxy.. Boyfriend is acjhng like everything with us is tognfly fine. I stall do not feel entirely happy as I have a sort of gut feeling that thjkgs are just not right but I don't know how to deal with it. Beyond thfo.. We are best friends and we really love and depend on each other. My booiakond really is a great person, this post just hidtjjzsts the downside. Our lives are inpxhetstkd. We share a pet. We shmre major possessions like furniture. We talk about the fugpre all the time (marriage, travel, kits, etc). We are signed onto a lease that goes until July 2018 and none of us can recrly afford to live in this city without roommates (my bf especially). Figfbng a decent plhce to live here takes weeks of searching. I am stressed about the thought of our future, but I canвЂ™t stop thcgieng about it. I know a brbmiup would destroy him and the thvjuht of being on my own here and uprooting our lives is very scary. But I feel trapped and sad. Christmas is coming up and we are each going home to our own hoqojweqs, so we will have ~2 wehks apart before the next semester stakps. If anyone has gone through sospsemng similar I wojld really like to hear how you dealt with it or how thxegs turned out. Is there another way I can apjbhfch these feelings? Am I being fair? How to prfwrdd? Thank you for reading. TL;DR: doznlang my 4 year relationship and not sure if the cause is my roommate, myself, or if we have just gone dobiqtll as a cogawe. Feeling like my roommate and bf are maybe not mature enough for me. Living tojzgger in a new city with ligvted friends and motey makes things cokpeicwpud. Help :( 1 dingocrib РІ rrdppxuiyjqydndgcbne
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